Thursday, May 06, 2010

Is That You, Dr. Jeckyll?

Brovic - Blogging Since 1903

KHUK KHAK, Thailand - They asked at airport security why I had purchased a one-way ticket. I told them I expected this to be my last earthy incarnation.

That remark earned a 'Please step over here, Sir.'

"I see here you failed statistics twice as an undergraduate," snickered Never Mind My Name, glancing up from his computer screen.

Suppressing a startle at the surprising depth of data at his fingertips, I rallied, "Yes, but if it matters on this flight, I aced Anatomy & Physiology."

"What do you think you are, some kind of comic?" he asked with a sideways calculation, affecting with a slackjaw squint the power to screw with me immensely.

"Yessir," I said. "Says so on my all my paperwork."

"That's bullshit," he shot back. "You're a has been. You're a could've been, a chickenshit in the ring."

What kind of ring? I wondered. Drug? Car theft? Rollerblade? Frodo's gift? I toyed with asking, but I knew what he was referring to by the snicker coming out of the side of his mouth.

They knew I was with the circus? That was hitting below the belt, causing me to catch my breath. I eventually came to terms with that label (chickenshit) after a brief appearance with the Palaminos, subbing in for Tito (recently paralyzed) on the high wire, and later, in court after the fire.

Trying not to register shock, I asked softly, "Can I use that?"

"Use what?" he asked.

"Could've been. Who I could've been. Manny used to say that."

"Who's Manny?" he asked.

Had him by the nutsack, playing along, my game, ball in my court, home court advantage, ad in, my serve, free throw, penalty kick, buzzer beater, 2nd round TKO, end zone antics, high-five, Gatorade locker room dunk, show the trophy to the crowd, victory lap in a millisecond flash across my mind. They had all that other information, birth chart, shoe size, net browsing and don't like turnips, but nothing about Manny.

Stopped caring about the flight. There's lotsa flights, lotsa flights. I had time. Never Mind My Name was dishing up great material, a virtual motherload of raw ore, a comedic soup, a gift. Out of the thousands of non-detained passengers going on to their destinations and personal agendas, he chose me. He was going to make my day.

"Just wondering," I asked after a long pause. 'Can you find Batavia on a world map? If you are one of the first ten correct responders, you will automatically advance to the semi-finals round.'


The Docta's In Da House

Just as I was about to leave his office, just down the way, walking distance from my modest quarters, Dr. Freud said, "If those don't kick in by noon, double up on the dosage."

More is less. I had previously informed the good doctor that the pharmaceuticals he had prescribed yielded a compromising nature to normal, everyday, 3D World reality, and the many and bizarre side-effects, like...well, who do YOU trust, God or Pfizer? God or Eli Lilly?

But whereas the doctor had an 'in' with the drug companies, as in kickbacks and 'freebies', as he called them, in a doctor-hospital-pharmaceutical ring, he disclosed that he was on thin ice with God, mostly because of his atheism, his niece, and youthful indiscretions upon which he declined to elaborate when pressed for details.

He suddenly asked, "Which do you prefer?" as if looking up from a menu. "The beef or pork schnitzel?"

The lost thread of the conversation?...seemed like avoidance, nor could I grasp what could compel a man to plunge into Lake Geneva in February.

"Hey Freud, I asked. "How effective do you think your treatments are?"

"The ice dips or my practice?

"Your practice."

"Psychiatry is just like religion," he replied. "You've got to believe in it for it to work."


New Mosquito Out - Coming To A Cookout Near You

Bangkok - Entomologists at Chulalongkorn University related their recent discovery of a new, smarter, resistant mosquito that has been plaguing Southeast Asian countries in recent months.

The new mosquito, Stegomyia Aedes Ablopictus Noi (small tiger-stripe mosquito) appears to have developed a remarkable resistance to all known bio insecticides, capable of inhaling poison and withstanding a direct blast of aerosol flying insect killers.

"Right now, our only defense is mother nature," said leading researcher, Professor Amapornaharasat Bulalanamantatorasat (Ju) at a news conference yesterday at the university. "Geckos and granddaddy longlegs are the only things that can stop them."

In addition to the development of new defenses, the breed is smaller and smarter, attacking victims on the ankles, behind the knees, and on the back of the shoulder, all locations that permit easy getaway before being slapped.

"The easy kill is over," said Prof. Ju. "They don't land on the forearm or back of your hand, like prior larger species of the genus. These little (expletive deleted) will get you on the back of the neck, behind your shoulders, and places you can't slap."

In Europe and North America, the mosquito, Culiseta annulata, is common and can be mistaken for an Asian tiger mosquito because of its black and white ringed legs. However, this species is missing the distinctive white line that runs from the middle of its head and down the thorax. It is also considerably larger than Aedes albopictus.

Like other mosquito species, only the females require a blood meal to develop their eggs. The search for a host takes place in two phases. First, the mosquito exhibits a nonspecific searching behavior until the perception of host stimulants (humidity, people) followed by a targeted approach. For tiger mosquitoes, carbon dioxide and a combination of chemicals that naturally occur in human skin (fatty acids, ammonia, and lactic acid) are the most attractive.

"Stay indoors at feeding time," suggested Prof. Ju. "You could say they've stepped up their game to a whole new level."


It's probably socially unacceptable, or politically incorrect to make light of the way people look, but sometimes you have to keep from staring because of exceptional weirdness, remarkable beauty, number of piercings, tattoos, or in the case of the neighbor girl, who could be 'a natural' for Planet of the Apes.

It's not the nose or lips so much as it is her hairdo. I mean, she could be a 'walk-on', right past makeup, directly onto the set...not one of the really black apes...more like a reddish brown. She surprised me the other day, walking up on me from behind, and when I turned around, I was like, 'Waaaaa!'

I mentioned it to Damon, and he chuckled and said, "Yeah, she could."


Grotto Now Asphalt

There was a small condo I had near Tokyo, thinking that maybe some of you considering a trip to Japan could possibly enjoy it, free of charge of course...sauna, running water, sun deck, zen garden, grotto...but the property, small even by Japanese standards, got wiped out when Godzilla rolled through and tore everything up, back in...oh, I forget...before the Venus sisters. You probably saw some of the was horrible. Too much damage to restore that part of the city where he came through, so they razed the entire block and built a new hi tech office park set in a Formura 1 track for the Asian circuit.




Trouble Again On Korean Peninsura - China Staying Tight-lipped

"We will get mad if you punish us for sinking your ship!"

Maybe we're getting the straight story, maybe not, but doesn't that just seem straight out weird to you?

Hillary Clinton says, 'Nigga, Pleeease.'


You Say, 'Leak', We Say, 'Gush'

BP Petrol is saying, "It's only, like, 5,000 liters, er, gallons, er, barrels a day." Coast Guard, Tulane, Mississippi scientists, Interior Dept., NOAA, survivors of the rig, people scooping up the oil, crayfish, Ms. Boudreaux's third grade class are all saying, 'Nigga puhlease.'


World Outrage at Gaza Aid Raid - U.S. Staying Tight-lipped