Monday, October 13, 2008

For That Moving Violation

For That Moving Violation

Pine Ridge Indian Reservation, SD -

Want to beat your next traffic ticket? Here’s how.

“Officer, before you write that citation, you may wish to consider what I have to tell you.

“Once, when I was working as a journalist, coming home late from second shift after the paper had gone to press, I happened upon a one-car rollover in a cornfield on a dark country curve.

“The driver, the lone occupant, had been thrown from the car and was unconscious. I stopped the bleeding and treated his injuries with a kit I carried, covered him with a blanket, and waited for the ambulance to arrive.

“While checking for injuries, I discovered a snub-nose .38 in an ankle holster, and his wallet, lying nearby, indicated he was a police officer. He had been drinking.

“Before I left the scene, I was surrounded by sheriffs, deputies, and local and State cops who asked me if I worked for such and such newspaper. I said I did. They said thanks for saving his life and shook my hand; then they said he was off-duty, a twenty-year veteran of the force, had two kids in college, and could I keep his name out of the paper. They sure would appreciate it. He’d be ruined, they said.

“I ran a poor-quality photo of the upside down car, with the caption as ‘unidentified occupant’, and one day I got a thank you note on my desk.

“Those police officers all told me if I ever got stopped, to tell this story.”*

*This will work every time for a moving violation if no alcohol is involved. You’ve got to tell it with an absolutely straight face. It is essential. This story will not work for any other infraction. Don’t even try.