Friday, May 01, 2009

Team Gave 'Green Light' on Executions


KHUK KHAK, Thailand - Recently released documents from the White House and Dept. of Defense indicate that the pirate negotiating consulting firm, 'Pirate No-Go & Associates', gave the green light in the run-up to the rescue of an American ship captain and the execution of his captors off the coast of Somalia.

Speaking on the condition of anonymity, a senior White House official said, "Yes, after five days of getting nowhere with the pirates, we acted on the advise of the No-Go team. I think most Americans were pleased with the outcome."

The public spokesman for the firm, Manny, said, "The team, comprised of the smartest people we know, was divided at first between those who wanted to 'gas 'em', and those who favored execution by Navy Seal."

"As gassing them would have involved revival and a long court battle," said Manny, "they decided the most expedient means would be to dispatch the pirates forthright at the most immediate opportunity."

The rationale for the action was that extended negotiations would not facilitate the captain's release.

"Bottom line is," said Manny, "we don't negotiate with no pirates."