Sunday, April 12, 2009

The Smartest People I Know

Khuk Khak, Thailand -

A couple of entries back, I mentioned the smartest people I know.

The name of the used-to-be the smartest person I know wasn't included since he threw it into reverse on Lake Shore Drive in Chicago one dark and rainy night after missing our exit. Sure! Why not? We got rear-ended. Why not?

Manny said, 'he coulda been a genuis, if he'd stayed with it.'

Then come to think of it, some of the smartest people I know have pulled some of the dumbest shit. You think you're pretty smart? Well, think back on some of the dumb shit you've pulled. Admit it. That was some pretty stupid shit.

You might have thought it was smart at the time, convincing others, and then after you were caught, came back to kick you in the ass, or whatever, you look back on it and say, 'Man, that was some pretty stupid shit.'

Same way with me. Manny had me tested. Broke his Smartometer. I called it a 'smart-o-meter', and he corrected me, saying, 'Shows what you know. Iss a 'Smarr-TOM-itter'. A homemade contraption.

Anyway, I KNOW I've pulled some stupid shit, and I think I'm pretty smart. Had a number of people in authority, mostly in the military, ask me if that's what I thought I was. I think I always told them no, on the contrary. Sir. Your Honor.

Many years ago, had a guy at a country club dinner, where I was a guest, mind you, not a member, and this guy approached our table and began a conversation about the inherent genetic mental inferiority of negroes.

I suppose he thought he was pretty smart, too. But that created a mind-set I tried to avoid internalizing thereafter, and that is, even if you think you're so smart, maybe the public perception of you is that you're a dumbass.

We have to remember that the people running the show aren't always the smartest people we know.

I could probably cite numerous examples, but you can probably come up with some on your own.

This friend of mine, he's not what you'd call brilliant, but he's not dumb, either, was asking, "Why don't they (those people running boats through pirate-infested waters) hire some security, so when those pirates pop their head up over the edge, they're looking at a 350 lb. tattooed Samoan with a 36 inch Louisville Slugger?"

I think that's a pretty smart question, don't you?

See? And this guy is a carpenter.

One of those smart people I mentioned to you got back to me and said they are free on weekends for some consulting work. And I suppose the others could be hooked into it if the money's right.

You know what I'm talking about?

The pirate negotiating consulting firm. Call ourselves, 'Pirate No-Go' and Associates.

Now me, I'm stupid sometimes. Often. Ok. Most of the time. But sometimes I also have flashes of brilliance. It comes with the turf. Light's on...WAAAY on, then off. Blackness. Then dim.

Not what you'd call an 'Idiot-Savant' before it got politically correct, and who knows what they call us now...probably just 'Savant'. Savant-Idiot. My mom would say, 'half-right'.

Well, I'm not that, because we're all too average. This is more like a...I don't know...'Light's on, Light's off,' kind of a thing.

Well, anyway, what I came up with I already told you. I'd simply ask those guys how good they could swim. We'll pluck our people...your hostages, out of the water, and then, you guys...up to you. You're on your own. This is after we sink their shit.

'Fuck you and your ransom,' pardon my expression.

Does it take a genius to tell the navy to sink their shit? When you're drowning, you're not thinking about hostages, or popping off a round from your AK-47 or RPG at the side of a gigantic USS Cook Your Goose.

Remember Paul Newman in 'Hombre', when he asked that hostage-taker how he thought he was going to get back down that mountain?

Me and my team...we settle this shit, we can move on to something bigger.